One year ago there was an early morning phone call on the 23rd; and despite so many trips to the hospital and aid cars and treatments and pain and meds and stress and tears and laughter at the system and doctors and nurses and fears and more; this phone call said "come now." Never had they said "come now" like this.

And I went. We all went. And after midnight on the 24th, my beautiful and strong and handsome and brave and funny and caring and singing and dancing and laughing and serious and sparkling green eyes and furrowed brow Dad left us forever.

And there was emptiness and tears and shouting and exhaustion and fear and shock and anger and acceptance and pain, physical pain.

And there was light. Oh, such light. My father raising his hands in prayer, barely able to talk yet somehow able to say the entire Lord's Prayer. Our family together on this longest yet shortest day laughing and joking and hugging and holding on and absorbing every second. The light of his friends who stood by us that day. The light of one of his truest friends, in the middle of the night, being the last to say goodbye. The light of my friends who called and hugged and shared and supported and loved and prayed and cried. The light of a friend who'd traveled this path and held my hand throughout the day, knowing what was ahead.

So here we are one year later; all of us carrying on. And I'm stunned tonight, tears on my face. For there is a CD that I can never listen to on the road to the hospital from my house. Anywhere else is fine, but that music on that road means I have to pull over. This tells me the pain is still there, tucked away, no matter what I tell myself.

And when I think of that day, I think of the light. The gift of having a chance to say goodbye and the gift of this life we build so that in the time of need and the time of death there is light, pouring back to you, if you accept it. I started this by mentally listing all of those to whom I am grateful for, but I had to stop. There are just too many. And this love, this light, it is so hard to explain but I know so many have felt it.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:5.